Cos when the world is over you'll have Christopher Reeve to thank

ME: Wow! That paralyzed hamster can walk!

ME2: Oh it’s important alright. I mean it’s not as if there are humans dying in the thousands from dysentery or anything.

ME: Dysentery? At this very moment?

ME2: Yeah Cholera and what not, it’s diarrhea, a-hole.

ME: I wonder if stem cells can cure that?

ME2: No not stems cells, my idiotic alterego but there may be a cure.

ME: Oh do tell!

ME2: I will! I know this is crazy and it’s kinda a new thing but I call it CLEAN DRINKING WATER.

ME: You’re kidding.

Me2: Would I joke?

Me: No C cuz you got no sense of humor. How much does it cost? More than stem cells?

ME2: NO! I bet we could get copious amounts of drinking water with 3 billion clams.

ME: Probably ubercopious if we got it outta the tap.

ME2: So yeah why don't you tell that hamster to grab his f’n walker and toss a Figi into the basket and start making his way over to Guinea right now.

ME: Wow! It's looks like you agree with GWB.

ME2: Never talk to me again; I got "Baby Killer" sandwich boards to bedazzle.

ME: Fine with me.


Live longers

That's it. MsM came over for an impromptu think tank and proceeded to gorge my sea monkeys on grow food. They are are exploding at this very moment. I swear. MC thinks it's a real fucking laugh riot. Yeah sea monkicide in the first degree is very funny.


The rerebirth of Eunice and the death of The Temps

Eunice, who at one time was referred to as Edna, will be now go by the new internet alias of Stix.

Stix got drum lessons; just to join my make believe band, The Temps, plus she likes to hit things. For example the pipe, concrete barriers, gaywads, and her shins. So the drums are really just an extension to this. Stix might also be referred to as Mary Stuart Masterson or just MsM. Now that I've seen MsM I like that more than Stix. Shall we vote? All of MsM's/Stix suitors will now be known only as Somekindawonderful regardless of how much actual wonderful they contain.

After Msm's first drum lesson, I asked if I learned to do a backflip off her bass drum, would that be okay to attempt? She said "definitely NO!" I pushed on, "What if you got a non-family heir loom drum set, what about then?"

"No!" mSm yelled, "And why would I let you jump off my NEW bass drum when I wouldn't let you do it on the old one?"

"Cuz it'd look damn cool!" I said. That's it, this band is breaking up. We're through. I can't handle all these rules and restrictions.


I am not a malicious woman and I will strike down anyone who says different

why is PBS nothing like the BBC? The concept seems similair.

The BBC released Nighty Night in NTSC and this is the best thing to happen all year besides my upcoming summer carny gig. BUY NIGHTY NIGHT RIGHT NOW. If anyone doesn't think this is the dopest, sickest, and most hilarious shit they ever witnessed, I'll kick my ownself in the teeth.

I loaned mine to MC and am now waiting to get it back, that f'n pantywaste. BUT I could have a Nighty Night party if anyone wants to come and watch it in a group setting. I will not provide nacho chips or any type of casserole at this make believe function. I will however, provide sufficient amounts of toilet paper and nonstop dialog that goes something like this "Wait watch this part!" and "Shh listen."


The goth clothes pin is getting ostracized again


helen keller was a socialist

Ezmerelda had to disband her Weight Watcher group, she said there just wasn't enough humilation involved because it was only people that she knew. After the weigh-in's, the girls would just chuckle at all the weight they failed to lose, then sit around for hours eating desserts made mostly from splenda and diet soft drinks.


Memory foam pillow, how have you forgotten me?

On Saturday, Bernita, the Stumblebum came over and we ate cream of mushroom soup while she washed her poncho and boo. I gave her an anesthetic so she could really define her stumblebum moniker and we laughed and laughed as she stumbled into the mailbox, a bicycle, Satan, the coffee table, the fire place, a jar of mayonnaise, the ironing board, and a realistic replica of Lenin’s smashing corpse.

Bernita said she hoped her corpse would look that good and I told her she already looked worse. Too much lighter fluid in her diet she surmised. Then she gave Kung fu hamster minus the fu, ringworm. And now all his spirit is gone.


I have no oversized thumbs

Agnes the childsize attended an obligitory superbowl party. While she sat in the kitchen with the sombrero dip/chip accent piece she noticed "Peanut" (whose real name is Herpes SimplexB) had left her phone on the counter. ACS and an unnamed accomplice decided they should really take a picture of themselves on Peanuts phone but then couldn't b/c it was full of pics. Agnes looked to see what was taking up all of Herpes SimplexB memory and we should all be very thankful that she did.

per agnes the childsize....

"all of them were of herself & some of them were really of 'herself' -i'm talking full spread crotch shots- some with toys, some just alone- all of it very disturbing- & the bestpart- she's completely shaved- so being that she's tiny - she looked like an 8 yr old little girl. what's more disturbing- the fact that her camera is loaded with these pictures or that i was evaluating her twat in a critical way- why is she so proud of it?"

agnes- Vagina judging is nothing to be ashamed of. However, deciding that yr phone is the appropriate place to house close up's of your hairless vagina is completely fucking crazy. Anges you must get this phone. I have no problem being an accomplice.


"Found" notebook filled with fantastical treasure maps

I have made a habit of not making fun of what anyone chooses to write down; I have a deep fear that someday one of my "pondering" notebooks will become lost, then found by someone who is not me. I even write extra horrible in preperation for this tragic event. BUT Then I stumbled onto this graphpaper notebook and my mocking scruples went directly out the sarcasm window. Upon looking at the first page I concluded this must have been done by a child or handicapped teenager. Mote is spelled incorrectly and the I's do not have dots but circles. However, upon flippin the notebook over I noticed it was purchased from the very junior college I attend.

Upon further investigation, I matched this handwritting to some previous work related ramblings of a coworker; to be employed at this position one has to be over 21 years of age. I am unsure if there are any intelligence requirements.
Please have a seat me lady.

If you look very closely you'll notice Rockvilla in the bottom right corner; my personal favorite.