Don't do it

Let's say hypothetically you were a big 11 year old dork. Let's pretend that you would have a dork friend over and mingle with your 13 year old dork sister. Then lets imagine that you, your sister and your dork friends all decided to do dance routines to the tune of every New Kids on the Block song. I know this is all a stretch, but then lets imagine that after getting the dance routine down, you would then get all snazed up in some fancy duds and perform this dance routine for your astonished parents. Your parents being so amazed not only with your timing, amazing fashion sense, and floored that no one twisted an ankle...decide to take out a camera...

I flatly refuse to pinpoint which one of these hot tickets is myself. Am I in that slammin bolo(Is that what they were called?) Or is it me in that floral number with the hat?


Sometime soon more like never

I was gonna get an ipod instead I got four new tires plus a front end alignment. My car drives very straight now. My life rocks.


Gaza strip mall

PRG is telling me to hide the words chubby chasing, finger bangin, and fat hard cock in the background color of the blog. If I do this I will get erroneous hits because someone may just goggle it. The problem is these people I'm thinking might be a little irritated. They were scrounging for chunky cocks and fat girls and all I deliver is a couple mediocre puns and many a useless story.


PRG thinks I'll delete this picture


Mama Cass thighs

Should anyone ever be bored or inebriated enough to decide to hit karaoke with some alternate lyrics to Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes, here they are for your singing pleasure. Sad indeed that I took the time to write this and maybe even a little sadder that it took nearly two weeks. (Suggestions welcome and appreciated)

Her hair is twinkee gold
Her mouth filled with fries
Her food don't ever get cold
She's got Mama Cass thighs
She'll turn her spoon right on you
You'll threaten exercise
Her blood sugar is kinda low
She's got Mama Cass thighs

They locked the door at the smorgasbord
Killed the lights and hid on the floor
She's a lardass and knows just
what's involved in a triple bypass
She swats rice cakes like a horse swats a fly
She's got Mama Cass thighs

She'll let ya make fat jokes
It curbs her appetite
Her fridge is never closed
She got Mama Cass thighs
Vericose veins like a road map
She starved all her mice
She won't sit on your lap
She's got Mama Cass thighs

Broke your hammock how romantic
Breathing so heavy she sounds asthmatic
She's enormous and she's knows just
how to make her toilet flush
Richard Simmons stood up and cried
She's got Mama Cass thighs

She uses the same scale
They use to weigh mail
Magellan got her bloomers then set sail
She's on diuretics and makes
Nell Carter look flat out anorexic
Got on the ferris wheel and everyone died
She's got Mama Cass thighs


Little old lady from Pasedena

I just got done playin a little pool. When we were nearly finished I put five dollars into the juke box and played Jan and Deans "Little old lady from Pasadena" eighteen times and left. I mulled over possibly choosing "That don't impress me much" by Shania Twain but then thought about the type of people that usually frequent a pool hall. I imagined just one of them tapping their foot as Shania belted "....So you're Brad Pitt" for the sixth time and had to choose something universally irritating.