This just in a while ago

Ezmerelda finally lost the bikerboyfriend and now the makebelieve band is back on in reality. Is 26 too old to have a band that practices at the drummers moms house? anyway i'm sure we'll get kicked out soon and have to play in a storage unit on the wrong side of town at 12:30 a.m.

my new pretend blog band is now called Courtesy Flushed and is a mix of zydeco, latin speed metal and christian hip hop. If anyone wants to join let me know yr instrument of choice.....flutophone is taken fuckas.

I've also acquired a new arch nemisis who goes by the name Theodore Wigglesworth. Pic coming soon; that fucking asshole.


the calling

the medical research finally came calling.

I was required to sit perfectly still and stare at a blank wall for 300 seconds in a studio apartment next to Barnes-Jewish hospital. And when I say studio apartment I mean studio, it looked like an illegal organ outfit setup or what I have always imagined an illegal organ racket would look like. Upon walking in the door my internal judgment would have said "Hmm" this seems odd but I really don't have that anymore.

A laser was pointed at my caryatid artery taking my pulse and bloodpressure while an EKG did the exact same thing. But while i starred at this wall there was the overly serious doctor, the uninterested "lab assistant" and MC sitting behind me, saying nothing. This was all very uncomfortable.

Then they took photos for medical reference material and I was like "whateva" and signed the release. However, I did not look at this picture but MC did. She said I looked like a Jewish transexual from the horrible profile view. THEN while I'm staring at this wall, there was a camera pointed at me the whole time. I had no idea! I was making faces and smirking and just really acting idiotic as I always do because i thought no one could see anything besides my back. I would go into the science of this whole thing and medical significance but then I would just sound like a dork.

MC said the lab asst. was looking at her my space page and applying for credit cards the entire 5 minutes. Then they tried to tell me i had prehypertension but i think that's bogus and was probably just a little nervous sitting in a studio apartment whith a laser pointed at my neck. I should be getting my 30 dollars by check any day now.


I wanna hear a bonesaw not "I'm on Fire"

Peter and I decided that we really hated Matt Dillion's head and all the lines and we also concluded that we dislike everyones underbites, though I seem to hate Bruce Springsteen's underbite more than any human probably should. You're not supposed to see all those bottom teeth! Could he not afford the surgery?


What? this old thing.

My faith in celebrity has been completely restored. After 365+ days I finally got someone to play along with my "eat shit" fan letter request.

Recap: I sent several letters to D list celebrities asking for autographs that said "Eat Shit, Love D list celebrity". Well no one did, THAT MEANS YOU, Tonya Harding and Kathy Griffin.

But just as all hope was lost, the fantastically hilarious Amy Sedaris came through even resending my original SASE in a new envelope b/c I failed to use enough postage(woops!).

While the autograph does not say eat shit; I did say in the note that she could use any insult currently in her repetoire...so does this count?

Can I put the Eat Shit project to rest?



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