There will be no reclassification

I ran into my arch nemisis while buying chips at the gas station at 1:30am. This was out of the ordinary because I am hardly ever awake past 11, let alone deciding to buy chips at such an hour. I told my rival I would give him a ride and then sat in his grandmas alley for several hours talking about linguistics. No one else ever seems as excited about speech and defintion as me...well except for my girl, Speller, who, you guessed it, won all our grade school spelling bees.

Nemisis also informed me that hay and straw are two different things. Who knew? Probably everyone but me.


I can string some words together and make a sentence

Now that junior college has completed for the season my mind is now clear to think about what I'd do if I saw Joan Jett at Hot Topic or how many of my bodily fluids contain DNA.

This junior college semester was extra irritating because the film teacher was a total burnout and my philosophy instructor kept making everyone have conferences with him. I had to go sit in his tiny cramped office where we were nearly sitting knee to knee. Then as if that wasn't uncomfortable enough there was another forty year old guy wearing a tweed blazer with leather patches also sharing his office.

So while my philosophy teacher metaphorically told me I was a loser. Tweed #2 just sat right next to me, listening. Then MC was right outside the office and kept taking pictures of me with her phone. I was the only one who could see this, the philosopher was behind a bookshelf. Tweed #2 was next to the wall. So I was just all giggly and posing for glamour shots to what appeared to the philosopher to be nothing but space.



i don't know why makebelieve band names are so easy to come up with whilst the real ones are so very hard. i'm putting it to the blog vote for the three readers...suggestions, we're dying over here. Olivia Newton John Stamos however I laugh everytime I have to say it. The Duchess of Oven 2 campy?...so really the only thing that is not a blatent attempt to be idiodic is Rochelle, Rochelle.

Then all the songs can be about Frank Costanza. I would listen to Jerry Stiller talk all fucking day. I NEED THOSE CABANA CLOTHES! *The Raincoats*

And I have been meaning to blog about that Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding Seinfeld. If I wasn't so dehydrated all the time, cuz water tastes like nothing, I may have wet myself. Somehow I missed the The Stand-In w/Bette Midler. After seeing it a week ago with Peter; I knew I was somehow a little more complete.

Is it wrong that most of my life is spent in my fantasy head recalling Seinfeld episodes? Then laughing in public when there is no outward signs as to why this outburst occured. I believe this may be a new mental condition. And I shall coin it, Seinfeldrum.

On top of recalling the Seinfeld episodes; the affliction also involves constantly obsessing over why the show was called Seinfeld when he was the shittiest character/performer outta the entire cast. So then then the Seinfeldrum causes me to over think the band name....once you got the name you're stuck with it and that's a lot of pressure. Even if its overly shitty you still gotta keep it. well at least until you *break up*, only to reform a week later minus one member. This has happened to both Ezmerelda and I. Very sad. Very sad indeed.


Closer to fine...anyone? anyone?

Peter and I spent cinco de mayo with the lesbians at Sharlenes. I asked Peter where all the boys were. He said that's not how it works. "What about the gay boys?" I asked peter. He said that's not how it works either. Anyway, Those ladies love to party and take group photos. So I strategically placed myself in a few of them. And I really love doing that. Nothing makes me happier than throwing myself into strangers pictures. Just because I wanna make someone say, "Who the hell is that girl in my picture?" Yep, eternally puzzling someone is somehow exciting.

Then Sharlene broke out her guitar and I was ready to rock a little "Closer to Fine" by the Indigo Girls, this usually gets the ladies in an uproar. I'm telling you back in 98' Closer to Fine could rock a gay party like nobody's business. I'm talking heartfelt swaying lighter action. The circle would form itself. So I strum a couple of chords and nothing. No "Wooo, go girl" NOTHING Then Sharlene quietly informed that these "younger ones" don't know it. What? My gay staple crowd pleaser is no longer current. I am now outdated in both the gay and straight circles.

I was driving and sober so I was not on my "A" game and after that closer to fine defeat, I was all down hill. Peter got all the after party accolades even. "Oh that Peter was so fun!" They all said. And I was just that asshole who made Peter leave. And that is fine but for the record I am a lot more fun after three drinks or more drugs or a set list of hits. But I think Peter enjoyed himself and the ladies enjoyed Peter and I can live vicariously through Peter. SO F IT.

I was discussing with a few of the gals how I had always wanted to get in a fight just to know how I'd stand should the real situation arise.

Sooze was down but didn't have insurance.

Reebok said she was ready to go fist to cuffs but then she looked very tan and sporty. She was wearing basketball shorts and then I was pretty sure her endurance would out last mine.

Henrietta was also wanting to brawl but she seemed like she was always ready to brawl. Thus leading me to believe that without fail she would repeatedly slam my face into the concrete and laugh a devilish laugh as all my teeth cascaded outta my mouth into the pool of blood in the condo parking lot. Yeah I think she had some real hate, as where I just had curiosity.

So I really need to find a 110-130 lb lady who is not really that mean or muscular and has insurance with dental.