I'll blow this whistle

After realizing the man was not going to continue to give me money for nothing much longer. I decided to attain employment. This great new job is uber lame and allows me zero self esteem. I am now a security associate at Shop'n'Save. This job is both embarrassing and degrading. I am forced to wear an exorbitant amount of polyester and have on my person a whistle, mace, and hand cuffs (all of which I've received zero training in using).Whilst this job is degrading and humiliating it is also fucking hilarious. Last night I got to break up a fight between two customers because one of them had made fun of the other's cart contents. This cart contained about 300 packs of top ramen. The women was crying and yelling "This is not shit, You have no right!" Really this did happen.I also had my first shoplifting bust, a husband and wife duo. The wife was in a wheelchair and the husband was handing her bottles of Absolut Vodka that she was stuffing in her purse. After stopping them at the door, a pat down ensued and we found the man had five bottles of febreeze shoved down his pants along with a bag of chicken breasts. It would have been funnier minus the wheelchair. Then it was just kind of sad and I may have even felt bad if I wasn't such a asshole.


Amish speed trap

I know I said I would write more but really I'm just a fucking liar. I have spent this whole month trying to WOW my junior college english teacher(very sad). I spend way too much time rewriting and correcting, just so she'll recognize the jewel, that is me, sitting in her class. Needless to say I don't think i've flipped her lid in the slightest. The only reason I look remotely fluent is because these people in this class are a half chromosone away from being retarded.