I'm retarded on paper. really

Not that I don't love visiting my grandparents but for the last four years i've visited, my grandpa insists on telling me the same story. This trip he decided to put it off until I had already packed my bags. "Before, you leave," he said "i have a little story to tell you...."
this is the part in my staple grandparent visit where he tells me how when I was child my whole family thought I was retarded. Yeah really retarded. My mother then took her little retard to a junior college where a student teacher certified me retarded, on paper even. My grandfather always softens the blow of this tragic tale by replacing "retard" with "embocile". Grandpa says he told my mother "that JC teacher doesn't know what she was talking about. She's fine."

On this trip he decided to tell me this story because I had proven my unretardedness by realigning his printer...mmmmhhhhhm....i'm a real fucking wiz. Put that in your pipe junior college student teacher who told my mom I was retarded in 1983, I can press two buttons on a computer keyboard.


Swingstate Clifford


Wake up, it's Christmas Grandma

And look what I got you.

It's a visor but it says Hattitude and it only cost me a sacajawea.


Fuck the adulation, I want the medal

I deleted my blog after concluding it was taking up too much "creative energy" and I had also become convinced that someone from the Fox Network was reading it and stealing my bits. (I may have some ego issues). BUT, I recieved a frantic call from my sister, stating my non-existent ramblings were Blog of the week in the Riverfront times. Thus, a slim chance that my defunct blog could possibly gain some extra readers (maybe seven). These imaginary readers will probably never comment on anything I say, unless it's anorexics or the pro-life syndicate, who I've offended.

However, I will repost the blog I just deleted all because I recieved a miniscule nod of approval and I am very self-absorbed.


The one good thing in England(besides universal healthcare, The BBC, and Guy Fawkes Day)

Lee said he didn't wanna
I said get of the car
Lee said this was stupid
I said don't forget the wig


The newest Gravy Train is totally bogus

How do you type an umlaute on a regular keyboard? Is this possible? Or do I have to some kind of irritating template wingding thing?