I'd be smart if I wasn't so stupid

I am informed whilst getting a physical that one should not use q-tips to clean ones ears. Dr. Joy (she is not at all joyful) informs that this is the leading cause of ear infections. The whole conversation with Joy has left me at a loss due to the fact that it seems the whole reason q-tips are produced and purchased is because they fit perfectly into your ear."Pour peroxide into your ear once a week." Joy says, "That should do the trick."

This seems downright dangerous. How much do I pour in? Is there a special funnel for this? Will there be instructions on the back of the peroxide bottle? I am merely asking these questions in my head because like I said Dr. Joy is far from joyous.Upon entering the room she said "Phew, somebody is a smoker!" And from that moment on I hated her and was looking around the office for something to steal. The blood pressure cuff immediately peaked my interest but upon contemplation decided the cuff was "doable" but the stand and actual machine were a bit unrealistic. This was ruled out because then I would have a blood pressure cuff lying around the house with no use.The cuff in question was already broken because when I got my blood pressure taken with it, my blood pressure was to high. I had figured this was due to a confrontation I had with the lady at the front desk who was very suspicious as to why I was sitting in the office, I guess they weren't open yet. Let me state for the record that the door was unlocked. And being questioned for being overly punctual seems a bit unreasonable."How did you get in here?" Lame counter girl said.

"Err, the door." I said.

"Well we're not open, the door was locked." She was very irritated about this.

"Well, no the door was not locked because obviously I'm standing inside. Would you like me to wait outside?" I looked at her name tag and then to comment cards.

"No, we're open now!" She said.For the next few moments I had thought about writing a nasty comment about her, then by the time I mulled this over for a spell I realized I just made a "show" of looking at her name tag and actually didn't recall her name at all.Back to the blood pressure, I figured the blood pressure was due to that fight or possibly the fight I had the day before with a group of religious zealots, this fight left me wondering if I should move to Canada, and though this "discussion" lasted several hours I recall few details. It was concluded however, that I am allowed to stay an atheist until I'm on my deathbed, then if I let Jesus into my heart, the lifetime of disbelief will be forgiven and I will still be allowed into heaven. Still up in the air is why it is okay for crazy religious guy #1 to carry a concealed handgun if he wants but no one can have an abortion if they want? He claims that any unwanted children could live with him, to include children that may end up with gay couples."How big is your trailer?" I said. Then I thought it might make a quirky little sitcom.

Blood pressure guy takes my blood pressure with a different cuff and I'm back to fine. Concluding that none of my previous run ins with the retard masses has led to any ill health physically. The only thing I can find worth stealing are the condoms which are free anyway and then all the fun is completely gone. I thought about pouring the whole bowl into my coat pockets and saying "You know for the weekends!" But then Joy departs quickly and with no audience it seemed completely pointless.


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